SEYMOUR – On November 28th, Seymour Police Officer Armando Pasillas was investigating a call regarding a suspicious person in the area of 1600 East Tipton Street.
Upon arrival, Officer Pasillas observed a green humanoid male loosely disguised as Santa Claus claiming to have elaborate plans for “stealing Christmas”.
Officer Pasillas approached the individual (who he later said he wouldn’t touch again with a 99-and-a-half-foot pole) and attempted to de-escalate the situation. The subject, identified as Ethan T. Grinch, had an address out of Mount Crumpet and claimed that the “Whos” had driven him to hate Christmas and further stated he had “a wonderful awful plan to fix them once and for all – forevermore.”
A plan he said he hatched himself after “puzzling till his puzzler was sore.” (It should be noted that Mr. Grinch often spoke in a bizarre rhyme-slang)
Upon inspection of Mr. Grinch’s sleigh, which showed a false and fictitious registration (the vehicle later returned stolen out of Siberia), Officer Pasillas located several items believed to be stolen. These items include a large assortment of jing-tinglers, floo-floobers, tar-tinkers, Who-whoobas, gar-ginkas, trum-tookas, and sloo-slunkers.
Officer Pasillas even located multiple cans of Who-hash hidden beneath a panel on the floor of the sleigh. Mr. Grinch later claimed to have no idea who put the hash into the sleigh and that the sleigh belonged to his brother, but he couldn’t recall his brother’s name.
Officer Pasillas then placed Mr. Grinch under arrest for multiple charges. Detectives with SPD are currently investigating possible connections involving Mr. Grinch and his role in a larger coordinated theft operation throughout the state.
