INDIANA – Picture this – You are in school, and kids choose teams for a basketball game. Five students are very good at the sport, and five may need more work on their skills. No matter how the teams are chosen, one team will have an advantage. As a result, what should we do? Quit or play the game?
For some, this question is not so easy to answer. As a school social worker, I often see children who love to play games, sports, or anything competitive but do not like to lose.
It’s safe to say none of us, even adults, really want to lose. Losing can make us feel like we are not good enough and, therefore, shouldn’t even try. However, this is far from the truth. We learn more from losing than from winning.
A better question is: How do we help our children understand that it isn’t always about winning and it’s okay to lose sometimes?
For example, when playing a board game (and I know as an adult I can win this game nine times out of ten), do I let the child win sometimes or beat them every time? Perhaps try to find a balance between victories and losses. It’s all about the discussion after the game and how the child reacts.
When they win, are they enjoying the win or boasting that they are more skilled? This may give insight into how they feel when they are losing. When they fail, are they brushing off the loss or running away from the game, saying they never want to play again?
I grew up playing sports and games with my family. I didn’t enjoy losing. However, understanding that I was more than just a competitor in a game was a lesson I could use in different aspects of my life. Bad days happen, and we can learn and grow from them. Some factors are not in our control, and we can either run from our struggles or learn to control our reactions.
No one expects a child to take every loss in stride, but you can begin laying the foundation for accepting losses with grace and courage. Whether competing on the field, the court, or the stage or just playing on the playground with friends, keeping the lines of positive communication open can lead to a more positive experience with others.
Nolan Miller, MSW, LCSW, is a Youth First Mental Health Professional at Elberfeld Elementary School and Lynnville Elementary School in Warrick County. Youth First, Inc., is a nonprofit dedicated to strengthening youth and families. Youth First provides over 100 highly trained mental health professionals (primarily master’s level social workers), prevention programs, parent engagement coordinators, and bilingual support personnel to 126 schools across 14 Indiana counties. Over 52,000 youth and families per year are served by Youth First’s school-based social work and community programs that promote mental health, prevent substance misuse, and maximize student success. To learn more about Youth First, visit youthfirstinc.org or call 812-421-8336.
